i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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