I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
