Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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