Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
