I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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