Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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