Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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