i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
