I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
