You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
