i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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