he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
