all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
