gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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