How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If that was your dad, he is hot
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
