I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
