You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize