we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
