chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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