do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize