I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
