I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize