ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
