you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There's even glitter on my cock...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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