come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
