So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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