I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
