They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
