I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
