I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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