Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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