She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
