So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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