so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
