Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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