We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
