mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
