Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
