don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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