I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
