Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize