oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
