Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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