Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
