i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A bitchslap is in order.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
