you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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