Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
