the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
