I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
