I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
