i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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