I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
