Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
