i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
