Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
