Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
