1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
