This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
