Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
