You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
