The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
