i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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