btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
