I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
