I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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